A Hideaway Apart

To paraphrase the Scout from Team Fortress 2, “Depression sucks on ice.”

Recently, my mate Calyo and I were discussing my Allomera universe, when I brought up the fact that none of the fire suppression systems in this version of the Pokémon universe use chemicals, only pure water. He argued that it just wouldn’t fly, and gave several reasons why we use chemical sprinklers here on Earth. He also cited several other things, and in general, was trying to rationalize it beyond my explanation of “no one focused on going that route.”

Who would’ve thought I’d be talking about this yet again?

A while back, on one of my old blogs, I mentioned my desire to use semi-formal third person speech online. I dropped that idea because it really is difficult to do that without making things like blog posts virtually unreadable. The main reason is due to the reliance on pronouns in English—something that’s becoming even more clear with more people creating new pronouns for various gender identities.

This is what trips me up, of course. I’m a writer, and I like writing, but in order for third person speech to work for me, I need to be in a mentality that allows me to really get into that type of writing/speech. Personally, if it were up to me, I’d use very simple third person speech in my daily life, but with English being a language where context is always required—as implied context never works with English in my experience—it’s damned near impossible to use so few words unless you want people yelling at you for not being clear enough.

Part of this is the fault of English-speaking society in general. A large portion of people are taught to make assumptions, rather that to ask questions. Even I do it, and I constantly fight that mentality. It's a bad habit that's ingrained into English language studies, which is the worst place to put it.

So…What am I going to do? Honestly, I’m not sure. Part of me keeps wanting to follow social norms, but that part of me I keep listening to is saying to “fuck social norms, do what what you want!” That second side of me is slowly winning…slowly.

For now, I’m going to continue considering it. It’s all I really want to do right now as I once again ponder whether I really want to stay on Twitter/Facebook—especially since I haven’t stopped telling myself it was a mistake to return to those services. I was honestly happier without them.

I’ve been considering this for a while, but I think that I’m going to start posting any non-sexual stories and art I make to DeviantArt and SoFurry, with my primary mirror being my OneDrive folder. Sexual stories and art will be focused solely on SoFurry and OneDrive, with FA being more of an afterthought than anything. I’ll likely start posting both to Pixiv at some point, though I’m not entirely sure when.

I’m not a fan of Inkbunny, and something about Weasyl has irked me for the longest time—mostly the bloody community there. I see some people say it’s “DeviantArt 2.0”, but I still consider DeviantArt to be somewhat okay in comparison, so I plan on continuing to use DA. However, I’m not using either Weasyl or Inkbunny.

Tumblr is also gone from my list now, as the community there seems to be rather adverse to text. It’s all about images and music, and little else. It really isn’t worth my time to post my stories on such a site, and my art isn’t my focus.

Admittedly, the only reason I’ll be posting to FA is due to the views my stories would get there. The site has gone to shit, and it doesn’t look like it’ll be getting better. So, for now, that’s going to be an afterthought at best, and dumped if it gets worse.

My primary locations will always my own personal website (PDN | PrismDragon.Net) and my OneDrive (where I upload everything to anyway). That’ll never change…unless I somehow can’t maintain them, of course.

1) Patreon just doesn't suit my flow. It would put much more restrictive deadlines on me than I'm comfortable with right now, and as such, I don't think it'd be a good idea at the moment.

So, my mantes and I came to a decision, and we're going to stay in Austin for at least another year. As such, I need to make a decision on what I want to do about my writing.

I currently have two options: Rely on book sales, or go with a Patreon. I plan on doing art as well, and a Patreon would help me get the money for tools a lot easier than relying on book sales would.

Right now, I need the following things for my art and writing:

1. A copy of Manga Studio or Paint Tool SAI.
2. A Surface Pro (pen tablet) or decent 2-in-1 laptop.
3. A way to take over the monthly bill for my Office 365 subscription.
4. Funding to make sure I keep my domain name.

As it is, I'm relying on others for these things, but I want to do this on my own. However, Patreon will have drawbacks, such as needing to think of rewards for large-pledge patrons, and having hard coded deadlines.

I want to go with Patreon, but if I do, it'll have to wait until my stress levels fall once again. I can’t work well when I’m stressed out, and these last few weeks…couple of months of worrying about a potential move accumulated to a bit of an outburst yesterday. I need to calm myself down a bit.

I need to make this decision soon, for my own sake. Once I make that decision, I can figure out my next step, and move on from there.

For those who don’t know me all that well, I can’t withstand most ​normal​ jobs. Not only does my scoliosis prevent me from lifting heavy object (25 lbs. carry limit, 50 lbs. dead lift limit) but my body isn’t able to tolerate stressful jobs like call centers. The last time I tried—thanks to other factors adding onto the problem that I won’t mention due to the circumstances surrounding it—I had a major breakdown that led to a blood pressure in the 170/x range. Unfortunately, when I’m pushed to my limits like that, my body really starts to break down.

I need something to drive me to write, and I have half of that fulfilled: I need to help my family pay bills. The incentive of money is helping me write to a slight degree. However, I’m constantly distracted by other things, especially when my mates are wanting to do things with me or pinging me on IM.

I was actually ​supposed​ to have put myself on hiatus until I find out if my mates and I are going to move or not, but I’ve been trying to write regardless. In fact, the only reason I’m not writing at this very moment is because I’m having to do an OS reinstall on my main work machine, and my social machine doesn’t have enough memory to run both my social apps ​and​ FocusWriter (which I’ve been using).

All that said, I ​am​ seriously considering starting a monthly Patreon again if this keeps up. Then, I can honestly say, “This is my job, and I need to get my tail to work on my stories.” I won’t make the decision until after I know what’s going to happen, and if we do move, it won’t be until after the move is done in a couple of months. All of that depends on whether one of my mates has a job lined up when we get to where we want to move to.

Early this morning, I was in a conversation in a private chat room, and the topic commissioned art came up. One of the other authors in the chat pointed out that I have never commissioned art before, and in fact, all of the art I have was either gifted to me, or commissioned for me).

It is true, I do not commission art. I prefer to make my own, mostly for personal reasons, and more specifically, so others who may be involved do not attempt simply steamroll over anything I say with their own views. I enjoyed working with JaiJai to receive the artwork I have from them, and I am grateful for the art I have received from my master Achiga and friend Tensu, but it is just not something that I would do myself.

As a result of this, two others pressed me to say why I do not commission artwork–or anything for that matter–from other creators. Another brought up the fact that I had mentioned wanting to build my own fursuit, and even eventually make my own clothes, rather than commissioning people for them.

I will say now what I said to them: It is a matter of ownership, and a matter of personal preference. When you commission artwork from a majority artists within the furry fandom, the artist retains majority rights to the work (unless otherwise specified), and therefore, anything regarding the work itself is subject to their decisions. Unlike work-for-hire, you are not buying a good or service from the artist or writer, but instead paying them for the ability to have artistic direction in a work which they create.

I do not want to pay an artist to make something I want. I would rather see them make personal art that would make them happy, even if I were to pay for it.

If I do pay an artist to make something for me, I would rather make it a work-for-hire project where, despite paying far more for that piece, I would retain majority rights. I would also make sure that the terms of the sale would include the irrevocable right for the artist to post the piece anywhere and use it for their portfolio. That should be ingrained in the morals of such a purchase, in my opinion.

Additionally, I am very much a do-it-yourself type of person. If I need something, and I have the ability to do so, I would rather take care of that need myself, whether it involves building something, buying something, or otherwise. This is something that actually seems to outright annoy one of my mates, and my master seems to become annoyed if I do not come to him when I need art.

It is why I am trying hard to write stories to sell, as I would like to take over my part of the bills (especially the Office365 subscription). It is just rather difficult when I have little chance to write without distractions…or feeling guilt because it seems like I am ignoring everyone. That sort of guilt actually halts my desire to write, as do the distractions.

(Aside: Admittedly, other issues are also weighing on my mind right now, and it is making it difficult for me to write as a result.)

I apologize for the venting, but I want to get this out there, for future reference.