teradyneezeri | Why I haven’t been making myself available to chat (Reply)

So, admittedly, I’ve been keeping to myself lately. The main reason is that…there’s a lot going on right now. I’m extremely stressed, and as much as people say “Come talk to me if you’re feeling down,” that just doesn’t work for me. Talking about things to people just leaves me feeling even more guilty.

Right now, I’m dealing with too much, and I have too many distractions that take me away from my writing and art. I can’t multitask for crap, and despite being able to hold multiple conversations, that’s all I’m able to do if I’m chatting with people. Unlike most, I can’t separate my mind between tasks. I have to focus, and I have all this on my mind on top of other distractions:

I haven’t had much in the way of sleep, mostly because I’ve been awake in the day rather than at night. I’m much more of a nocturnal person, and being awake in the day leaves me rather useless.
I’m worried about one of my uncles, who is in rather real danger of death thanks to an inept surgeon. I won’t have to go back to Arkansas if something happens, but he is a good person, and hasn’t deserved any of this.
My future here in this home isn’t completely set in stone, as we’re still waiting to hear back from other mortgage people about a potential ability to buy the home we’re in—or potentially another slightly larger place.
Rather nasty events keep happening regarding the job my mates are at right now (though we will be handling that as soon as we can).
The weather has been so insane that I really haven’t been able to exercise, and I don’t really trust the equipment at the free gym here in the community.
I’m unable to work on stories or art due to stress and distractions. All I’ve been able to do is world-build as of late.
I can’t find anything to help me de-stress. Gaming stresses me out, reading leaves me too twitchy since I’m building up energy by staying idle, art helps a little when I’m actually able to draw, exercise helps when I’m actually able to do that (thanks, Texas weather), going out used to help but not any more…You can see the pattern emerging.
Social networks stress me out, but that’ll be for another journal post.

I’ve been trying to get back into writing, but at this point, if I want to get all of my current stories finished, I’ll need to de-stress and effectively lock myself in my bedroom for a month to work in peace.

Admittedly, getting back in a groove of writing would help me a lot.

I really want to finish work on a few of the Book of Arcejai stories in my newer Allomera universe. While they’d be considered “fan fiction”, they’re also my first foray into stories with a lot of depth. On top of that, the Allomera universe has a lot of the foundation for my Gramman universe behind it, including the caste/clan system, language, and other pieces. It’s the first piece of my Delta Worlds multiverse that I’ve made extensive notes and world-building around, without writing it on the fly.

Allomera’s Arcejai/Arcekō story is something I’m becoming rather proud of. I’m doing everything I can to not make the mistakes I made with the Falling Apart storyline, mostly by actually doing some world-building and pre-planning, and by doing so relatively alone. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that I myself do better with world-building when I’m doing it myself. One of those “too many cooks in the kitchen”/”too many people compare it to real life” issues.

(Aside: I’ve got something to say about the latter, but that’s for another post.)

I really need to get my ass in gear for this universe, because it’s something I’ve been writing for myself, and that’s something I’m very proud of. I don’t want to lose that feeling, and because of that, I need to make myself unavailable for the most part. I can’t see any other way, because if I let myself continue to get distracted, I’m never going to finish anything.