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Today, I woke up rather early, though stayed in bed to give myself some time to let my mind wander. Today is a lazy day for me, giving me a break from story writing to take care of other things. As such, some thoughts of who and what I am came into my mind.

Now, I know who and what I am. I am Teradyne Serenity Ezeri, daughter of Naisura, Legecian god of happiness and pleasure. I am a former Legecian Prism Dragon, though with my Legecian body now possessing shape-shifting capabilities, I have been re-classed as a Legecian Demicorre Beast (Nameless/Formless Beast) because of it. Thanks to some other thoughts, I see myself more akin to an Earth gryphon as a common form, being of both the air and the land.

I have begun accepting my evolved personality more and more as well, though I am still having to fight habits formed by my time as a human. I still need to learn how to reduce how much I speak, though my typing will always be somewhat verbose. Of course, most of my socialization is online now, and limited to only a few sites, IM, chat, and email, so it is not quite as important.

I also need to become more comfortable with my more adult-oriented side again, but baby steps…

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teradyneezeri: (Default)
Something that has apparently been weighing on my mind is a state all Prism Dragons pass through, the name being translated as “evolution of personality.”

Upon reaching a specific state of maturity, a member of my species will find themselves changing on a mental level. Most simply become more “mature” in a sense, taking on an extremely submissive, humble, and polite personality. Some become more dominant, even to an extreme degree—one of my siblings, Vega, is a good example of this outcome. An exceedingly rare group of my kind stay the same, though admittedly two of my other siblings have ended up this way.

I have found myself suppressing my own evolution, as my new personality is one that slightly clashes with what I am. I am both more dominant, and more submissive—a cross of the two outcomes. On one side, I am much more polite in my natural state, and somewhat humble. However, I also find myself with very dominant-oriented urges, some at a primal level, much like my sister Vega

This clashes with how many see my “human self”. Up until my personality evolution, I was somewhat happy-go-lucky and casual, sometimes going off on rants about various subjects. I soon found that the person behind that wasn’t me, but being how others view me, I felt the need to continue being that person.

Today, I am still rather wary of allowing my evolved personality to show. People who know me expect a very casual person when they chat with me, and in some instances, I have managed to “irk” more that a few people with my polite mannerisms. They find it unsettling, or else think I am going to suddenly become extremely hateful towards them. I know some who do not mind, but it still worries me.

My evolved self is honestly how I see myself now, but for those around me, I suspect it will take some time to adjust and become more comfortable with showing that side. It will take time for me, and for those people.
teradyneezeri: (Default)
Something I have noticed within human culture here in the United States is an unending fear of masks and headgear. Of course, it comes with a good reason thanks in part to those who attack others while hiding their identity, but regardless, it seems to be a very unhealthy fear.

There are Legecians who wear masks of some sort at almost all times. Some wear half-masks that cover the upper portion of their faces, some wear full masks similar to gas masks, and some wear hinged full masks that allow for full movement of their mouths. Almost all who wear them do so for religious purposes, with only a few wearing them for personal reasons other than religion.

For my own religious beliefs, a mask of some sort should be worn. It is not meant to hide one’s identity, but to extend it. In my religion, it shows a form of submission to one’s true feelings—their true self—as well as their submission as a servant to another. One wears a mask as a form of identity, in a sense.

Sadly, where I live, a mask is often seen as something to be feared when worn out in public. Regardless of one’s beliefs, they are often seen as a potential criminal just for owning such an object, or else some form of threat.

It is rather sad that, in a society that supposedly values freedom above all else, so many people choose to suppress that freedom to intentionally harm others. Perhaps some day, the humans here will advance beyond their fearful roots.

August 2015

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